Chronology

Silent screams of bitter anguish
Acid tears choke my voice away
My heart, imperfect instrument
Plays mournful ballads of your absence
Distorted and weak without your steady accompaniment
Can you hear my voice, my life, crying your name
And will you always answer?
Reality
Rough twine strips my flesh
Chafing, burning as I struggle to reach you
Clocks and calendars waltz around me
Both allies and enemies
Encouraging and taunting
Unpredictable in both promise and malice
"Can you beat the clock, boy?"
"Is your wisdom enough to fool time?"
Awash in your memory
Every nerve raw, exposed
Drinking you in
Your love an unexpected genesis
Brilliant light from hollow darkness
Yet too far away
I'm mesmerized by a familiar refrain
A mournful symphony of my past
"Mother, hold me
Press your lips to my tiny head
Am I as I was meant to be?
In my stupidity and ugliness
Could you ever learn to love me?"
"Father, tell me
Hold my shoulders, look into my eyes
Could your strong voice just once break?
Tell me I'm a good boy
Could I ever stir pride in your heart?"
No, no, no…
…No more, pull the plug
Alone, I rock myself, in time to sleep
Dreaming, swept away
A beaten ship
A tempestuous sea
Tossing against murderous waves
Will I ever reach shore?
Storm clouds streaking
Restless, electric skies
Trust and mirth, serpents, twist across the bow
And pull me under, sneering
"Have you ever done it right?"
"Why think of yourself?"
Again, my voice fails as I'm crying out
Where is your light?
I swallow water that tastes of bile
Oh please save me
I can't do this alone
Fingers encircle my wrist
Arms wrap my shoulders
Drawing me up and pulling me in
Your arms a safe and warm cocoon
The little child evolves
Boy to man
I break my bonds
Set free to run
To you
Silent screams
Of boundless delight
Suddenly given voice
A long journey ends
I am home